Fabulous $6 Accessories!

I have officially become an Independent Consultant for Paparazzi Accessories!!! Love, love, love it!

The best part!? Only $6 each! Which, to accommodate my math skills, includes tax!

I also, in turn, have learned how to spell paparazzi ;-)

A Haircut Could Change the World.

It could change MY world anyway... I am in desperate need of a haircut. I feel it deep in my soul, I need change. Don't you just love to get a haircut?... I am currently unemployed, it doesn't suit me well. I am feeling very unprodutive. I have watched more TV in the last 3 weeks then I have in the last year. I have also cooked more meals in the last 3 weeks then I have in the last year, although my fiance' loves it. I spend entirely too much time at the grocery store, just to get out of the house. The highlight of my day was saving $20 with coupons! Well, it is pretty excciting actually... My handsome man came home from work last week and complimented me on my lovely curled hair and then asked where the heck I went... "oh, um, the grocery store actually..."

My Daughter

As I sat in my chair with a blank "blogger" screen wondering what in the world I should be writing about my daughter looked over my shoulder and asked what I was making. She excitedly told me I should blog about kids! I am hardly an expert on kids, I really barely got by raising her as a struggling, single parent for the the last 12 years. So, I of coarse giggled and asked her what about kids. She said "breastfeeding! Because you always tell people they should breastfeed because it's healthier!" Which I haven't done in... about 11 years. But, I love her enthusiasm and support and I sure am glad she listens to me when I get on my "soapbox" about all the topics I am passionate about. And then I think about what kind of adult she will grow up to be...

La la la la!

La la la la! I'M ENGAGED!!! La la la la! (to the tune of PeeWee Hermans "Connect the Dots")

Shock, joy & happiness!!

I can't stop staring at my ring and smiling.

I loved seeing my big, burly, tattoo covered, handsome man on his knees, all nervous, asking me to marry him!

I dance around the house and call him my Fiance'.

Big Blonde Texas

I live in Texas. I am a brunette. It suits me, I have green eyes and almost olive skin. Blondes are a dime a dozen in Texas, although not real blondes. I like to call them "bottle blondes." I go to parties with my native Texan man and I am the ony brunette there! Man, I wish I was a hair stylist, I would make a killin', I mean really! But, I do benefit from this, I stand out. I am different and I like it!

The Ex Factor

How much information do you really want to know about your boyfriends ex? Should you ask questions? Does it really matter? What do you say when he talks about her? For instance today he said "My mom wanted to show me pictures on Facebook and the first person that popped up was my ex... " They are still "friends" on Facebook. He then, in the same breath, decides it would be a great idea if I invite his mom to be my "friend."
I think I prefer to know nothing about any ex's. I really prefer to pretend they don't exist. But then my curiosity gets the better of me...

5 months, really?!?

Well, it has been 5 months since I blogged. Now isn't that just crazy? A few things have changed in 5 months. Some for the not so great, others for the oh so fantastically wonderful. So, which would you like to hear first? Good news then? I am madly in love! Really, I am! Not sure how it happened to tell you the truth. And he is wonderful and sweet. The best part, he absolutely adores me! So, I went and looked back at my previous blogs to see if I actually blogged about him. I did indeed, back in January. Now I get to see those amazing smiles all the time! More on him later. The not so great thing: I quit my job, what was I thinking. It was totally unbearable and the drive alone was ridiculous. And then having to deal with my psychotic boss was just enough to push me to quit. I was at my previous job for 10 years so I don't take quitting lightly. So, for the time being, as I job search, I am gainfully employed in retail, just in time to endure the holiday shoppers, oh yay

Sometimes, you just have to blog about it....

Evidently, I am an idiot. Didn't realize I gave off that vibe... I really can't stop laughing at the player I have in my life right now. So, I have been dating a guy for well over a month now. I adored him. And don't you just hate it when they turn out to be major player douche bag asshats? I mean really! He has been very evasive and not texting me etc. So, I read his comment on his Facebook status today responding to something someone asked him. "Oh she was not feeling well we didn't got out, saw her for a bit though,how are u?"...Need I mention he was not talking about me. So, I say to him today via text "I don't know why you even bothered." So, I was basically asking him why he even bothered dragging me through all this nonsense? Why bother driving 45 miles each way to see me? Why bother keeping communicating with me? Why? There is nobody closer to you you can play?? You might save some gas money. Although distance is a great benefit to a player. He knows I wont just "stop by." Anyway, his 1st response "with what? everything is cool" This sent me into hysterics. Evidently he doesn't get it. So, I responded "yep" and then he said "Bothered with what baby? is that your way of telling me you miss me?" I am still laughing as I type this. Seriously? OK I will play your silly game. May as well have a little fun with him. After all, he deserves it.

Sam the Grouch

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and for good reason.

First, my daughter leaves for the summer in just 4 days. It hardly seems fair. I will be counting down the minutes till she is returned to me, where she belongs. She is mine, I am greedy like that.

Second, men are, well, dumb! They are all the same; I have yet to be proven otherwise, sadly.

And last of all, I got rudely awakened by my wet nosed, whiny German Sheppard nephew... at 6am.

But, you know what made my day so much better? The sweetest letters & pictures my daughter made for me. Is it not the greatest thing in the world to be a mommy? I mean really!

Clueless Jerks

So, I have been seeing the Older guy for quite some time now. Well, when I saw him last Monday I invited him to go to a bar to see a concert with me and some of my friends. He enthusiastically agreed. Saturday rolls around and I call him in the afternoon and get a text response asking about what the plans are. He tells me he will come to the bar but wont be able to make dinner. No biggy I didn't tell him about the dinner until just then. So as evening rolls around I text him & let him know he is welcome to bring one of his male friends. No response. 10pm rolls around and I text him again asking him if he is going to come to the bar. No response. So, at that point my whole attitude is "screw him!" So, I had a fabulous evening with my friends and even meet a tall, handsome man that I had a great time with. Tall & blue eyed yum! .... and not 10 years older then me. Just sayin'

So, Sunday the older man finally contacts me. He sends me this lovely text "Hey did you want some of me" ugg! really?? wtf is wrong with you? I didn't respond.

So, today I get another text from the clueless idiot "What the heck is going on?" I so want to tell him off but don't want to give him the satisfaction that I even give a crap. So several hours later I respond with "What's up" which he responds with "Partied way too hard this weekend. Still kinda hurting." Can he be more of a jerk???? So, I just told him I had a fabulous weekend. Which I did, despite him!

Seriously, can men be more clueless? I am still convinced all the good men are already taken...

The Arrangement

I stumbled upon an interesting dating web site where sugar daddies/mommies find their sugar babies. It was intriguing. When you really think about it how nice would it be to have a simple "no strings attached" relationship where the expectations are already laid out in the beginning. You know exactly what to expect, plus you get money & gifts. What could be better I ask.

Worried about my big sis

My oldest sister is pregnant with her 7th baby. Her 5th sweet little girl. She started having debilitating headaches a couple weeks ago with blurred vision and spots. They checked the protein in her urine & blood pressure etc. All normal, ruling out pre-eclampsia. So, she insisted on a Neurology consult.

**Her hubby is in the Air Force and medical care is not very good. You have to be pretty pro-active. I know this from experience. I am thankful my military doctor went on leave while I was under his care. He very nearly killed me. His replacement was much more competent and realized my kidneys were failing. The normal protein level for a 24-hour urine collection is less than 150 milligrams per day. The first test the idiot Dr. ordered was in the 600's and he decided that was a mistake so he ordered it again. 2nd test was in the 800's and he. did. nothing. I also had extreme polyuria which is another indication of renal failure. He didn't even put the results in the right location for his replacement to find them. The 2nd Dr. only looked for them after I told him I already did the 24-hour urine test he was going to have me do again.**

Anyway, back to my sister. The neurologist found increased intercranial pressure and papilledema due to a brain tumor/clot or intercranial hypertension. He ordered an MRI be done immediately but she was unable to endure it due to the the noise from the MRI machine making her headache completly unbearable. So, yesterday they gave her Valium and they were able to get the MRI done. Still, waiting on the results.... best case scenario: intercranial hypertension. She will have to get spinal taps to remove excess fluid. 10% go blind. Preparing for the worst & hoping for the best. Even if the best isn't that great...

The return of Costco

A few months ago I got a call from Costco letting me know he would be in town in March. Well, needless to say I forgot all about him coming to Texas. (He is attending grad school at Cornell) Until, I got a message from him on Facebook asking if I still wanted to get together. Well, crap, sure... wait...
There is the complication of the older guy I am sorta dating. Or whatever it is we are doing. Should I still go out with Costco? I think he will take my mind off the whole situation with my older man. Which I really need.
I am at complete peace with fact that Costco and I have absolutely no future together. I have known that since our first date. He is just, well, really fun and did I mention he is pretty hot, nice ass and all. Although, I have not seen him in close to a year before he went & moved to New York. Maybe he let himself go... nah.

Mr. Smartypants

I went on a date last night with a guy that I have been emailing off and on for way too long. He is tall & good looking and we have had great conversations on the phone the last few days. It is refreshing to actually have things to talk about. Plus, he is a Liberal in this oh so large sea of conservatives known as Texas.

The date went well. Until... I didn't agree with him. He stood up and said (almost yelling mind you) "let me go really slow for you so you can understand it." all the while snapping his fingers in my face. and said "You following???" I was mortified, furious and shocked all at the same time! I felt like a little child being scolded.

He apologized profusely but I am not sure I am willing to forgive nor over look it. Seriously! What is wrong with men? Is it just the men my age? I am seriously ready to just say screw it and live out my life as a spinster. Which right now sounds kinda nice.

"I'm Not Your Girlfriend"

So, I have been sporadically dating the older man. He is sweet, cute and very lovable. He publicly & continually refers to me as his girlfriend. Introduces me as his girlfriend; The whole works. I find it quite endearing and confusing at the same time. I don't feel like his girlfriend. Aside from our once a week dates we never talk. I text & he'll text back maybe one or two times and it dies off. We share nothing going on in our day to day lives. We just go out once a week. In my world that does not a girlfriend make.
So, every time I hear him utter the words "Girlfriend" I want to scream a la Chowder "I'm not your girlfriend!" (Don't you just love Chowder?)
But my theory is, because men are just plain rotten, he is just trying to lay claim to me so I don't go out with other guys. But ya know what, I am not going to play that game! Time to go out on a nice, simple internet date to pull me away from this confusing situation before I get sucked into this whole girlfriend business.

Curling & the Cutie

I am addicted to Olympic Curling. Mens, naturally. I have an Olympic size crush on the team captain Shuster. I seriously could watch him all day. He is ridiculously cute. Swoon! I really have no idea what the rules are or how the game is played. I rely completely on the commentators to tell me if something good or bad happened. I have no time to learn the ways of the game. I am much too busy oggling Shuster. Frequent words from my mouth "Show more Shuster." "Don't show him, show Shuster"
I love the fact that they are miced so we can hear them. I could listen to him talk all day. My sis & bro in law tease me when he yells "Hard." You can get the just of what they say I am sure. I am totally and completely smitten with Shuster. And might I add, I did NOT watch the game Shuster didn't play in. I mean really, what would be the point?

The older man

I met an older man. Online, naturally. I was not terribly excited to meet him. He is 10 years older then me after all. 10 years. Typed it again in case you thought it was a typo... on Thursday night when he texted me while I lounged on the couch enjoying the Olympics in my PJ's. He asked me if I wanted to meet at some bar I have never even heard of. It has the same name as my oldest nephew. He is an awesome kid; Certainly that must be a good sign. That was the persuading factor to get my butt off the couch and put on some make up and clothes as well. As much as I would have loved to go in my PJ's.

I of course arrived late. But that is the story of my life. I really don't intend to be rude. I just really have no concept of time.... Anyway, I walked in to the bar and looked around for someone I don't even know. Which I really hate. What if I approach the wrong person. I mean really. It is nerve racking. But luckily he spotted me pretty quickly. And he was cute! Broad shouldered and everything. There was chemistry right away. Which totally threw me for a loop. I was seriously not expecting to like this guy. At all. And I liked him. A lot. We talked. We laughed. We flirted. He was obviously smitten & gave me loads of compliments. Which is the way to any Leos heart.

It was Karaoke night at this particular bar. Which is always good fun. He was a very good sport about me signing him up for song after song. Which was just awesome in my book. We even sang a couple duets. Awful duets because 1) I can't sing. 2) He didn't know the songs I picked so he was totally off. But it was fun! A lot of fun!

After all those shenanigans. Don't you just love that word? I mean really! Anyway... He walked me out to my car after we closed the bar down, naturally. He was nervous. It was cute. So he was trying to get up the nerve to kiss me and I just went for it. Because really who can wait on nervous men to make a move? They were lovely sweet kisses that made my stomach do a flip. And don't you just love that?

Nand the Docter Man

I do the Internet dating thing. With not much real success. There has been one guy in particular that has been rather persistent.

He is a Dr. A Child psychiatrist to be precise. Which scares the hell out of me. I am really not interested in being psychoanalyzed. I know I am a bit crazy, but I like it that way. I embrace my craziness!

Anyway, he is very cute but lives in Houston. I mean really, are there no women in Houston? Well, I gave him my phone number to text, which I like to do till I get more of a feel for someone. Well, he wanted to talk right away. I in turn panicked. (Which I tend to do but only in certain circumstances.... like lying. I am a terrible liar. I don't have it in me.) What if I have nothing to say to this guy. So, I never answered and always texted him that I was busy. Figured he kinda would lose interest. He lives in Houston after all.

But, I just got a text from him. He is in Boston but will be back in Texas tomorrow and wants to meet up soon. What is a girl to do? He just sent me a nice forthright text. I am such a sucker for forthrightness. May be why I like Sagittarius's' Now those are some forthright people... OK I am getting off topic here. So, basically he is looking for someone to have a serious meaningful relationship with. Someone with brains & a good personality. I have those things. Thanks for noticing. But I am apprehensive because he has never met me.

Ugg, this post turned in to me babbling because there is no one up at this time to talk to about this dilemma. Although, is it really a dilemma?

What Happens to the People Who Never Fall in Love?

There is a line in the movie Sunshine Cleaning that just gave me an aha moment. I am not sure the exact wording. It goes something like this: "I can get men to want me. I just can't get them to want to be with me." I was like OMG is that me too? And it made me sad. So, now I can't stop thinking about it.... and well, it makes me even sadder and then I think about getting older and older and I get sadder and sadder. And this blog is depressing me... time to buy some cats. Or in my case rats... *sigh*

But seriously, usually the 2nd thing men ask me when they meet me after they ask me how tall I am. Do you have a boyfriend/husband? Why not? I really need to come up with witty responses to this question. Mostly I just stand there dumbfounded and half the time start thinking of things wrong with me rather then taking it as a compliment. As well I should :)

BTW if you haven't seen that movie... well, you should! It is wonderful.

Do I Really Look That Lonely?

First off, my daughter has the TV viewing taste of a 30 year old. She loves watching shows like Project Runway, Dancing with the Stars, Lie to Me, Ugly Betty and American Idol.
One of her favorite kids shows is Full House, which was made before she was even born. Which convinces me even more that she is an old soul. I so adore my little angel. Isn't being a mom just the best?
Anyway, we were watching one of our new favorites Millionaire Matchmaker (we don't watch much TV btw) and she asked me why it was called Millionaire Matchmaker and I explained to her that the people Patti finds dates for are millionaires. She then asked "What about normal people like you? You need her to find someone for you, momma."
"I do?"
"Yes, momma you are lonely. I can tell."
"How can you tell?"
"Mom, you say you have imaginary boyfriends."
hahahahaha
I do say that but it is to be funny. Like if I have laundry that needs to be folded on my bed and am too lazy to do it I just push it to the other side of my bed and proclaim it to be my boyfriend Laundry!

(Just so we are clear I don't really think I have imaginary boyfriends. In case you didn't get it. If you don't know me in RL it is kinda hard to understand my quirkiness)

Why Do I Do It?

I met a man on the 3rd of January. Why do I remember this date? Because the Cowboys beat the Eagles on this particular day and I happened to be at Sherlock's which is right next to Cowboys Stadium. And I am just that girl that remembers significant dates based on football games. Alas, what will I do when football season comes to an end?

This particular man is, well, ridiculously handsome. I was smitten the second I laid eyes on him. Tall, broad shouldered, dark blond, arms full of tattoos if you find that sort of thing handsome which I do, cutest smile he was smiling right at me and to top the cupcake that he was he had on..... a Witten jersey. Swoon! And what was I wearing? a Vikings t-shirt... it was Sunday... just sayin'. Well, I am ever so glad it was Sunday because that Vikings shirt was his conversation starter. What better way to start a conversation with me then to talk about football. We mostly talked about football and smiled at each other. What can I say? I was smitten. Which pretty much renders me not too adept at carrying on interesting conversations. He asked for my number as they were leaving and he called me on his way home and sent me a sweet text with a pic of him in Cowboys Stadium. My thinking: he is totally into me! Which of course I was over the moon about. I mean really!



Well, we texted back in forth a few times. Mostly me starting them. That is as much as I will give really. Men have to do the pursuing. That rule I DO follow. I had kind of written him off as disinterested or what ever ridiculous scenario that came to mind. Well, low and behold 2 weeks after our chance meeting I get a text from him congratulating me on my team CRUSHING his team. Yes, I said crushing, because really they didn't stand a chance. It was beautiful! Anyway.... he asked me if I would like to meet him & his friends at a bar in the stockyards. Seriously tried not to sound too eager. Thank goodness it was via text. Whew, I ran around getting ready and went on my way to meet him. Not sure if it was the best idea to agree to it. But, I had no doubts at the time. I saw him as I waited in line to get in the bar. He was even cuter then I remembered. And just like our first meeting he smiled more smiles just for me and I melted. Ahh, how I am a sucker for his cute smile. Dimples and all...

'Tis the Season to Not Be Single

As I have mentioned in previous posts I am a proud member of an online dating site. And by proud I mean "Where else am I going to meet men?" Well, I get a couple winks a day at most. Well, this weekend I got almost 50. What?? Seriously! I guess Christmas time is a good time to be on the prowl for a man because they sure are looking. I don't have the time or patience to deal with it all. Ugg!

Well, some of them are not even remotely feasible prospects. Almost laughable. Mean I know. but "Country Boy Looking for His Country Girl" Hahaha you have the wrong girl my friend. Oh and you are 5'7"? I have nothing against the vertically challenged, I just don't want to be made to feel bigger then I already do.

I got 2 winks from the same guy. I am not sure if he forgot he winked at me or if he really likes me that much. And let me tell why I am not interested in him. He is a muscle head. I can't even begin to understand that level of narcasicm.

And then there are the ones that don't care about anything about their possible match except body type. And of course it is Slim & slender or Athletic & toned. And then they wink at me. No thanks! I can't understand that level of shallowness. It is fine to know what you want; but if the only thing you know you want is a skinny chic. No thanks! Ugg!

On another note, most of the men I have met online that I am even remotely interested in just don't have the follow through to actually meet up. So, I have the attitude of: What Evs! lol

It's My Blog and I'll Whine if I want to.

Ugg! I am being utterly consumed by this dreadful evil cold. I have seriously had enough. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I sleep endlessly and take more drugs then crap I can't think of a good metaphor or is it a simile? I am too tired to check. My mind is taken over by these cold viruses I tell you. It is all I seem to be able to talk about. Time me thinks to ignore the cold. It has been enjoying all this attention I have been giving it. Time to ignore it so it will go away. I am quickly approaching 2 weeks with this unwelcome guest invading my body. I am going broke buying cold medicine. Although I did make an interesting observation. Sudafed cold and cough is far superior to Dayquil. Like, seriously! I feel 10 times better when I take the sudafed and I think I am in love with it. They are magical little orange pills. So, right now I feel good. And I think I am better. Hey, the weekend is here! Then the magical little orange pills wear off. I do wish that colds would squash my appetite like the flu does. So, I have been eating merrily with no exercising unless you count coughing as an exercise. A recipe for disaster if you ask me. I have been making an absurd amount of toast. hungry? I know have some toast. it is the limit of my culinary abilities when I am sick.

This cold is seriously wreaking havoc on my social life. But I am actually not sure if it really is just the cold. Bah! We will go with that. No annalyzing here. I am too tired.

My Cell Phone Doesn't Want Me to Have a Social life

It has been a long, long time. But, here I am. Again.

I discovered today, from various people, that I may not have recieved all the texts that have been sent to me or the texts I have sent have not arrived at their specified recipiant. I don't know how long this chaos has been going on. But, it is wreacking havoc on my social life. Just when I thought I was getting blown off by numerous people I discover that they have indeed been sending me texts. My phone just wants me to be depressed and get 100 cats.

So, you know what I did? I taught that phone a lesson and took it down to the Verizon store and traded it for a bright new shiny one. And proceeded to send texts to various people I am sure think I am uber fabulous and would never blow me off. Their first question "Where have you been?" Every last one of them. How bizarre is that?? And then it gives me a tiny glimmer of hope that HE didn't actually blow me off. That he didn't actually get my texts or maybe I didn't get his. I know it is really wishful thinking. But maybe it is a sign... Am I really that stubborn to not contact him and find out? Or maybe I just don't want to know the truth. Cause I have the feeling it will hurt. I evidently prefer to fantisize about some romantic tale of our paths crossing again and realizing there was a misunderstanding. A girl can dream? And I do. A lot!

So, who knows what to do. For the time being I sit here and keep telling myself. "He would contact you" But then, what if years from now I find out that he thought I was blowing him off. It really is very Nocholas Sparks novalish. I am such a romantic.

So, here goes, I am admitting "I miss him!" but I am too chicken shit to tell ANYONE and especially to act on. How pathetic is that, ya know? So, I try to occupy myself with other men. But, you know, it just doesn't feel right? So, then I wonder... When will I really be over him? Pathetic me thinks!

I think I need to take notes.

I decided to do the online dating thing and really give it my all. Well, it is bloody daunting. I can't keep all of them straight. I called one guys dogs name by another guys dogs name. It was hilarious really. I think I played it off pretty well, even though I am pretty prone to panicking when I get in a bind like that. Thank goodness it was via yahoo chat. He couldn't see the look of panic on my face. I really think I need to take notes or start weeding them out. I seriously think I have one kick ass profile or something. Or my competition is weak. Either way I get a lot of emails saying how amazing I seem. I think I am pretty freaking amazing but these dudes haven't even met me. Gives me a lot to live up to. Yikes! Don't know if I can handle that sort of pressure lol. Maybe I need to put up mediocre pictures instead of my best ones....

With one guy we have just been emailing back and forth with no real questions asked of each other. We mostly just talk about football like we are buddys. He finally said today "I feel like we are pen pals." which made me laugh hysterically. Then he suggested maybe we should move to texting. About bloody time dude! Did I mention I am a firm believer in letting men dictate the pace of things and make the first moves.

Another note on online dating. I am 33 years old. Not too terribly old. or at least that is what i keep telling myself. I get all sorts of winks & messages from men in their 20's. And I mean early 20's. Seriously, I don't think I could handle that. I am not self conscious but I am pretty sure none of them have seen a woman with stretchmarks. Or as I like to call them racing stripes!

Is he trying to turn me into a Supermodel?

I dated a guy not too long ago I like to call Costco. I was convinced he was trying to turn me into a Supermodel. One night he made 3 types of vegetable. I love vegetable. Really, I do! But, I need some bloody carbohydrates! Pasta, potatos, rice, anything! I wonder if he noticed the forlorn look I gave my carb free plate.

On another date he took me to a Vietnamese restaurant. It was yummy, don't get me wrong. But I want a big ol' steak and a baked potato sometimes. Well, honestly quite frequently...

So, after the vegetable dinner I convinced him to go to Dairy Queen. I love ice cream! But, my real motivator was to see what he would actually order. As for me I ordered a mouth watering Peanut Buster Parfait with both caramel & hot fudge. Who can choose between the 2? Not this girl!

What does Costco order? A slushy. Really? No ice cream?? I do love slushies; but I order them as an accompaniment to my ice cream.

Did I mention he has a really nice ass? Hmm maybe it goes hand in hand with not eating ice cream. But, I am not willing to give up ice cream to find out. Me & my flabby butt are going to DQ!

Guess What Day It Is?!?

It is contact ME day! Seriously, I accomplished nothing except multi-texting & multi-facebook chatting. It was daunting. I can't believe I pulled it all off without sending an embarrassing mistext.

Mr. TMI contacted me today. Well, I contacted him first on Sunday where I ran into some 49ers fans and then a guy by the same name as him. Figured it was some sort of sign. So, we actually talked on the phone today and it was a great conversation, as it always is. He asked me to do something on Friday night. But, I have to work and then he flys out to Californai for the week. Man this guy travels a lot.

This is turning into a lame blog. I am at a loss for things to blog about. I have been busy writing away for the National Novel Writing Challange so I guess my mind has downloaded enough info for the day. (btw: join me in the quest to write a novel in a month!)

Dear Karma, I am sorry I stood him up....

I had a sort of date arranged for Sunday night at 9pm. Which is kinda late for a date if you ask me. I have met this guy once. And it was literally like 2 months ago. He calls sporadically (OK every week. He is persistent, I will give him that.) And usually to find out if I am "out." Which can only make me think that he is just looking for someone to have a booty call with, I am so not looking for that.

I know nothing about him. I only know he is blond, blue eyed and not that tall, but cute all the same. I don't even know how old he is.

So, he texted me Saturday night to find out if I was once again "out" After I assured him I was happily at home he asked me if I wanted to do something Sunday night.... at 9pm. And because I have such a hard time turning people down I agreed to it. But all day Sunday all I could think about was that he just wanted to get laid and I just didn't want to put myself in that situation and have to deal with that. Ugg!

So what did I do? I didn't answer when he called 3 times on Sunday.

And another reason I was so apprehensive to go out with him is because I met him at a bar; Which is not a suitable place to meet a respectable mate.

So Karma, if you could please spare me. I was just stood up by a guy I really, really liked almost 2 months ago. I do believe we are now even! :)

I got to thinking about something else... am I just as picky as the men I complain about?? I like to think I know what I want and I know what I don't want. That is one advantaged to being a divorcee.

This guy wont keep a girl waiting by the phone.

So, you know how a girl might obsess over looking at her cell phone every 2 seconds to see if a certain guy she has a crush on called or texted? (am I too old to have crushes? Ah screw it, I will have them anyway!) I know I shouldn't do it, but I am SO guilty of it. It is like a disease, like rabies. (Rabies doesn't get mentioned much. I figured I would throw it in there.) Anywho....

Well, I met this guy that calls and texts a lot!

He has called more in the last 3 days then in the 3 months of dating with my last love interest.

And wouldn't you know, he is ridiculously cute! Tall, blond, blue-eyed & broad shouldered. Just the way I like 'em!

So, you would think I would be "over the moon" that he calls all the time. GUESS WHAT? I'm not. You know why? No, it is not because I can never be friggin happy...

It is because it is TOO MUCH. And not only that, he talks about himself constantly. Not in a conceided sort of way, he just tells his stories. I think he just really likes to tell his stories. I couldn't get a word in edge wise and I don't think he cared in the least. Most of his stories are pretty depressing. I know more about him after 3 days of talking then I do about some of my closest friends.

So, here is the thing that really killed it for me. He does NOT fly. Ever! And yes smarty pants I mean in an airplane. My standards are not that high that I am looking for a Super Hero for a boyfriend.

Anyway, he has never been on an airplane and never will go on one. Seriously?!? He then says "There is no place interesting that you can't drive to." What?!? After I mention all the places I have been to and want to go to that require flying such as Hawaii, Europe & Asia, he says "You were in the Army, so you are not scared of anything." So, the question that pops into my mind is What else is he afraid of??

You're doing what?!? at work?!?

So, I texted Mr. TMI yesterday while he was at work to see how he was doing. He said "Guess what I'm doing." My response of course is "Working" because he works a lot! I was a bit taken aback with his response "I am working but I am watching porn too." So, the automatic question I ask is "At work??" His response "Yep. I have my personal computer. Don't be jealous." What?!? why in the world would I be jealous?? And why the heck would you tell me that is what you are doing? Buddy, that may be a sign you work too much. I'm just saying. Multi-tasking is great and all but I think he took it a little too far. So, my response to him "Umm I assure you I am not. Work is one place I don't ever want to watch porn. You're so silly." His response. "Um OK then. Well with that comment I think I am going to have to say have a wonderful evening!" What?!? I didn't even say what I wanted to say! And what he deserved to hear. I totally held back! and now I haven't heard from him since. Which is hysterical really. Guess I am getting the big blow-off by "weird guy that watches porn & jerks-off at work." Sure saves me a lot of trouble.... Thanks!

Is that a 5 O'clock Shadow... on your arm?

I am quite perplexed when I meet a guy that shaves his body hair. I can understand the swimmers & body builders (although, I honestly really don't understand that level of narcissism.) I am fine with just trimming the nether regions; I quite appreciate it really. But shaving it bald? No thanks! And then we will go to chest hair. I like chest hair. Wait, I love chest hair! You are a man for crying out loud. You're supposed to have chest hair! It's sexy! (Although I will say I don't like a lot of chest hair. Sweater vest? No thanks!) And don't even get me started on arm hair. I met a really, really cute guy at a bar (no place to meet a prospective boyfriend/future husband. If you do, it's a fluke) I touched his arm, as I always end up doing when I am talking to a guy I am interested in, and I felt stubble! Thinking back, I hope I didn't pull my hand back in too much of a repulsed manner, nor have a repulsed look on my face. Sooo, we kept on talking, but I could not focus on what he was saying because I just kept thinking about what else he shaved. I thought shaving my legs was a lot of work; I certainly would not want the added trouble of having to shave chest & arms and what ever else he shaved. I wanted to see him naked just because I was so curious as to what else he decided needed to be baby bottom smooth or stubbly really, depending on the growth rate, which I am going to assume is much faster then a woman's. (I will add I am completely OK with a man shaving his back, waxing would be much better though. So, if you have happen to be a guy, with a hairy back, there's a tip for ya!) Shaving seems like it has to be done pretty frequently and it makes me wonder who the heck shaves his back for him?! I sure as heck am not going to be the one to step in and do it.... blah! Nice talking to ya, dude!

Why would you tell me that?

OK I been having a ridiculously long texting "relationship" with a guy I have never actually met. I do not condone letting it go this long, but he was out of town for a week and a half. You start to get all these unrealistic & romanticised ideas of how they are and then they turn out to be totally different. Anyway, he works A LOT, so we text A LOT. Seriously the man sleep like 3 hours a night and spends the rest of his time at work. Oh God, he sounds dreadful lol. Anyway, I have gotten way off topic here. OK back on track. Our texts have turned toward sexual topics. But NOT in as we have been sending dirty texts to each other. That would be waaaay too weird for me. So, he is a huge Dodgers fan and they were playing tonight. Big NL playoff game. Damn there is a huge back story just to get this little story out. Anyway, the Phillie's scored a 3 run homer and he said "Damn I am going to need a blow job and a lot of alcohol after that hit. I need to make some phone calls." So I said "You going to call Tonya Harding so she can break a few Phillie's knee caps?" He said "I was talking about the blow job" & My response "What? do you have a hooker on speed dial? But, Tonya might be able to help you with that too" He then said and I quote... crap lemmie grab my cell... "I think everyone has friends with benefits." WHAT?? Why on earth would you tell me that??? Someone that you potentially want to date. So, my thought is if we actually started dating when would he be "done" with his "friend with benefits?" Seriously! And it also makes me think he is a cheater. I seriously can not do that again. God I hate men in their 30's. I am completely convinced that all the good ones are already taken. Aww screw that, there are no real good men. OK I am in a man bashing mood. Cheers! Here's to men being total douche bags! .... Can't wait for my date with him on Sunday. I really have to meet this guy.

Leg Hair Moose

My leg hair is seriously getting unruly. I may style it into dreadlocks or french braid it. And I am obsessed with petting myself. It feels cool. What do you want? OK I am sure you are wondering why I have such long leg hair. Well, it's actually not that long. I am just enjoying my time as a single gal when I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to. And now that shorts season is over I am going with it. Wait, crap, I wore shorts to the dentist office this morning. Geez, do I really not care that much about what people think of me? Yep, I guess so. I have a date on Sunday. I am thinking I just might shave my legs, it being a special occasion and all. This guy had better be worth it; I have the feeling I am going to dull a few blades before the job is done. OK I might be exaggerating again. But lets not even talk about my nether regions, it hasn't been this long since before it was cool to wax/shave it.

Stop it! Stop being so bloody annoyingly chipper! Do people really buy this crap??

I took my daughter to the dentist this morning, which was long over due. (But my procrastination is for a completely different blog.) We were greeted by an annoying "Goood Mooorniiiing!" by the receptionist. I had to resist the overwhelming urge to choke the crap out of her. I think I might have nightmares about her. She was that traumatizingly, annoyingly phony nice. (Oh, I made up a word.) I know you know the type. I just want to wait out in the parking lot until she gets off work and follow her home and observe her in her natural habitat. (God that makes me sound like a stalker.) I would be so giddy if she was a royal b*t#h. And then I would pop up from behind the bush outside her window and exclaim "Aha! I knew you weren't really that nice!" OK yeah, I really wouldn't want to do that. But, I sure would like to know how she really is. Nobody is really that friggin chipper!

Can I rent a man?

It was one of those weekends I wished I had a man. Not for sweet conventional reasons like companionship or making love ( I wanted to say sex, but that didn't sound very sweet) or a hot date. I don't know, that's all I got. Maybe I need a boyfriend to remember all the stuff they are good for. Anyway, I got a flat tire & my blinkers work only every so often. Alas, I had to take care of those things myself. So, needless to say, I used fix a flat. And well, sadly I still haven't remedied the whole blinker situation except to practice my innocent speech to the possible cop pulling me over for lack of turn signal usage in the hopes he/she wont give me a ticket.

Jesse James can come change my tire & fix my blinkers... pretty please :)

Things I would stress out about if I were a guy.

Not sure why I even started thinking about this but here are a few reasons why I am glad I am a woman.

-Going bald. Although I do think bald guys are sexy. Well... not all of them. Some of them are pretty creepy looking. But, I know a lot of women will agree with me on this. So, I guess I might not stress about this... unless, as mentioned above, I looked creepy bald.

- My penis being too small or crooked or something like that. It even stresses me out when I date a guy. I seriously obsess about whether he has a nice penis or not. It could possibly be a deal breaker for me. I wish it was socially acceptable to ask a guy on the 1st date if I can see his penis. Because really, if it's small or strange looking in any way we can just forget the 2nd date and save some time. Although, I don't think I would tell him that was why I didn't want to date him any more. I am pretty sure that would not be good for his ego. So, then I would have to think of some other outlandish reason why. Which I would have to think of in advance because I tend to panic under pressure and I can only imagine the ridiculously outlandish reason i would come up with. But, I am sure it would much better then telling them the real reason.

-Having a children running around that I don't know about. I am pretty sure if I were a guy I would be a whore like the rest of them. I am so happy I can grow babies for this very reason. I know when I have a kid.

- As mentioned above I am pretty sure I would be a whore like the rest of the men so I think I would stress about getting laid. Men have to work to get some, woman just have to decide that they want some.

That's all I have right now... now here is a yummy bald guy Brian Urlacher for your viewing pleasure.BTW I have a thing for football and the players.





I think I might be in love! Swoon... too bad he got injured & can't play this season. I am officially volunteering to nurse him back to health. I'm just saying... OK I'll stop now.

Couger? What?!? I am 2 years older then you!!.. but a ton more fabulous!

So, I have been talking to this guy and he is 2 years younger then me and he mentions to me that he likes Cougars. Like I am supposed to be all flattered by that. No really, he seriously thought I would be. His exact words "I thought you would be happy I like older women." My response... "Dude, you are 2 years younger then me! If you were in your 20's that would be another story."

Although, sometimes I get the urge to be an all out Cougar with some young hot stud. At least for a while... until my age really catches up to me and it starts to get awkward. Then I would realize he hasn't really lived his life and would not make a suitable partner. Then I am back to square one. But hey, at least the sex would be good. Over and over again... and in one day even. Gotta love those young bucks.

I had a pic of a really cute winking couger... the actual animal... but Photobucket nerfed it, as usual. Not sure where else to get pics...

Run Like Hell!

Sometimes we want to just run away from our problems. Hoping maybe they will just go away. But really, the problems have more endurance then we do. So eventually, we stop running. And you know what happens? The problem runs smack dab into us. So, maybe it is best to just stop, turn around and face the problem. Who the heck wants to be chased all the time? It's friggin' exhausting.

Love List

Here is a lovely list of all the fabulous things in life I love! Will help you get to know me a little better or at least know what I loooove.

And here we go, in no particular order...

1) Lotion- I am seriously addicted.
2) Crisp, cool sheets
3) Bodies of water: Lakes rivers & oceans. In that order.
4) Huge bathtubs
5) Peonies
6) Football & the men that play it
7) Stories
8) Breeze blowing through my hair
9) Boating
10) Romantic books/movies
11) The smell of roses
12) Laughing
13) Weddings
14) Traveling
15) Lipgloss
16) Long jeans
17) Heels- that fit me
18) Day dreaming
19) A clean house
20) Hiking
21) Long, hot showers
22) Blue eyed men
23) Tomatoes
24) Beauty products
25) Meeting new people
26) New love
27) Shoes with flowers on them
28) Going for walks
29) Snow
30) Sleeping nude
31) New Balance shoes
32) Freya Bras
33) Dogs & rats
34) Reading
35) Kissing
36) Pedicures
37) Writing
38) Swimming
39) Receiving flowers
40) Birthdays
41) Tall, broad shouldered men with short hair
42) Wii Fit
43) Snorkeling
44) Parks
45) Cherries
Now show me yours!

The End!.... really?

Have you ever ended a dating relationship just by ignoring them? No phone call, text or email... nothing. You don't really think too much of it because, well, you didn't really like them, right?Have you ever been on the receiving end of it? Does it leave you wondering "What happened?" "Did I do something wrong?" You analyze every detail and replay every interaction in your head. Sometimes we have to realize that not every relationship will work out and the other person does not always feel the same way we do. Sometimes it seems like a cruel joke. Would it be easier if you had some sort of closure? Maybe an explanation of sorts. Sometimes it would be nice to know if you did anything wrong. And if you did, maybe you could be better prepared for your next meeting with a potential mate. But, in the end if you just be yourself and they don't like you. Well, then at least you know. And isn't that better then them going along acting as if they like you. I just wish men had the balls to say "Hey, this isn't working for me" But then again, I don't have the courage to do it either...

Have you ever been dumped via text message, email or the infamous Sex and the City Post it note? I have been dumped via all of the above except the Post-it, which I hope never happens because I love Post-its and some jerk better not ruin them for me..

Hibernation

My co-worker and I have been eating non-stop for the last couple of weeks. And I mean non-stop. I can't keep up on exercising to counter act all the extra calories consumed because I am too intersted in eating all the bloody time. If only the act of eating burned more calories. My appetite is ridiculously insatiable. I realized that maybe we are preparing for hibernation. Fattening ourselves up for the winter. I need to get this under control or I may need to really hibernate because I will be too big to fit out the door.

Give me more food!..... Please!