Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dear Karma, I am sorry I stood him up....

I had a sort of date arranged for Sunday night at 9pm. Which is kinda late for a date if you ask me. I have met this guy once. And it was literally like 2 months ago. He calls sporadically (OK every week. He is persistent, I will give him that.) And usually to find out if I am "out." Which can only make me think that he is just looking for someone to have a booty call with, I am so not looking for that.

I know nothing about him. I only know he is blond, blue eyed and not that tall, but cute all the same. I don't even know how old he is.

So, he texted me Saturday night to find out if I was once again "out" After I assured him I was happily at home he asked me if I wanted to do something Sunday night.... at 9pm. And because I have such a hard time turning people down I agreed to it. But all day Sunday all I could think about was that he just wanted to get laid and I just didn't want to put myself in that situation and have to deal with that. Ugg!

So what did I do? I didn't answer when he called 3 times on Sunday.

And another reason I was so apprehensive to go out with him is because I met him at a bar; Which is not a suitable place to meet a respectable mate.

So Karma, if you could please spare me. I was just stood up by a guy I really, really liked almost 2 months ago. I do believe we are now even! :)

I got to thinking about something else... am I just as picky as the men I complain about?? I like to think I know what I want and I know what I don't want. That is one advantaged to being a divorcee.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

This guy wont keep a girl waiting by the phone.

So, you know how a girl might obsess over looking at her cell phone every 2 seconds to see if a certain guy she has a crush on called or texted? (am I too old to have crushes? Ah screw it, I will have them anyway!) I know I shouldn't do it, but I am SO guilty of it. It is like a disease, like rabies. (Rabies doesn't get mentioned much. I figured I would throw it in there.) Anywho....

Well, I met this guy that calls and texts a lot!

He has called more in the last 3 days then in the 3 months of dating with my last love interest.

And wouldn't you know, he is ridiculously cute! Tall, blond, blue-eyed & broad shouldered. Just the way I like 'em!

So, you would think I would be "over the moon" that he calls all the time. GUESS WHAT? I'm not. You know why? No, it is not because I can never be friggin happy...

It is because it is TOO MUCH. And not only that, he talks about himself constantly. Not in a conceided sort of way, he just tells his stories. I think he just really likes to tell his stories. I couldn't get a word in edge wise and I don't think he cared in the least. Most of his stories are pretty depressing. I know more about him after 3 days of talking then I do about some of my closest friends.

So, here is the thing that really killed it for me. He does NOT fly. Ever! And yes smarty pants I mean in an airplane. My standards are not that high that I am looking for a Super Hero for a boyfriend.

Anyway, he has never been on an airplane and never will go on one. Seriously?!? He then says "There is no place interesting that you can't drive to." What?!? After I mention all the places I have been to and want to go to that require flying such as Hawaii, Europe & Asia, he says "You were in the Army, so you are not scared of anything." So, the question that pops into my mind is What else is he afraid of??

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You're doing what?!? at work?!?

So, I texted Mr. TMI yesterday while he was at work to see how he was doing. He said "Guess what I'm doing." My response of course is "Working" because he works a lot! I was a bit taken aback with his response "I am working but I am watching porn too." So, the automatic question I ask is "At work??" His response "Yep. I have my personal computer. Don't be jealous." What?!? why in the world would I be jealous?? And why the heck would you tell me that is what you are doing? Buddy, that may be a sign you work too much. I'm just saying. Multi-tasking is great and all but I think he took it a little too far. So, my response to him "Umm I assure you I am not. Work is one place I don't ever want to watch porn. You're so silly." His response. "Um OK then. Well with that comment I think I am going to have to say have a wonderful evening!" What?!? I didn't even say what I wanted to say! And what he deserved to hear. I totally held back! and now I haven't heard from him since. Which is hysterical really. Guess I am getting the big blow-off by "weird guy that watches porn & jerks-off at work." Sure saves me a lot of trouble.... Thanks!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Is that a 5 O'clock Shadow... on your arm?

I am quite perplexed when I meet a guy that shaves his body hair. I can understand the swimmers & body builders (although, I honestly really don't understand that level of narcissism.) I am fine with just trimming the nether regions; I quite appreciate it really. But shaving it bald? No thanks! And then we will go to chest hair. I like chest hair. Wait, I love chest hair! You are a man for crying out loud. You're supposed to have chest hair! It's sexy! (Although I will say I don't like a lot of chest hair. Sweater vest? No thanks!) And don't even get me started on arm hair. I met a really, really cute guy at a bar (no place to meet a prospective boyfriend/future husband. If you do, it's a fluke) I touched his arm, as I always end up doing when I am talking to a guy I am interested in, and I felt stubble! Thinking back, I hope I didn't pull my hand back in too much of a repulsed manner, nor have a repulsed look on my face. Sooo, we kept on talking, but I could not focus on what he was saying because I just kept thinking about what else he shaved. I thought shaving my legs was a lot of work; I certainly would not want the added trouble of having to shave chest & arms and what ever else he shaved. I wanted to see him naked just because I was so curious as to what else he decided needed to be baby bottom smooth or stubbly really, depending on the growth rate, which I am going to assume is much faster then a woman's. (I will add I am completely OK with a man shaving his back, waxing would be much better though. So, if you have happen to be a guy, with a hairy back, there's a tip for ya!) Shaving seems like it has to be done pretty frequently and it makes me wonder who the heck shaves his back for him?! I sure as heck am not going to be the one to step in and do it.... blah! Nice talking to ya, dude!

Hairy Couple at Nascar Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, October 16, 2009

Why would you tell me that?

OK I been having a ridiculously long texting "relationship" with a guy I have never actually met. I do not condone letting it go this long, but he was out of town for a week and a half. You start to get all these unrealistic & romanticised ideas of how they are and then they turn out to be totally different. Anyway, he works A LOT, so we text A LOT. Seriously the man sleep like 3 hours a night and spends the rest of his time at work. Oh God, he sounds dreadful lol. Anyway, I have gotten way off topic here. OK back on track. Our texts have turned toward sexual topics. But NOT in as we have been sending dirty texts to each other. That would be waaaay too weird for me. So, he is a huge Dodgers fan and they were playing tonight. Big NL playoff game. Damn there is a huge back story just to get this little story out. Anyway, the Phillie's scored a 3 run homer and he said "Damn I am going to need a blow job and a lot of alcohol after that hit. I need to make some phone calls." So I said "You going to call Tonya Harding so she can break a few Phillie's knee caps?" He said "I was talking about the blow job" & My response "What? do you have a hooker on speed dial? But, Tonya might be able to help you with that too" He then said and I quote... crap lemmie grab my cell... "I think everyone has friends with benefits." WHAT?? Why on earth would you tell me that??? Someone that you potentially want to date. So, my thought is if we actually started dating when would he be "done" with his "friend with benefits?" Seriously! And it also makes me think he is a cheater. I seriously can not do that again. God I hate men in their 30's. I am completely convinced that all the good ones are already taken. Aww screw that, there are no real good men. OK I am in a man bashing mood. Cheers! Here's to men being total douche bags! .... Can't wait for my date with him on Sunday. I really have to meet this guy.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Leg Hair Moose

My leg hair is seriously getting unruly. I may style it into dreadlocks or french braid it. And I am obsessed with petting myself. It feels cool. What do you want? OK I am sure you are wondering why I have such long leg hair. Well, it's actually not that long. I am just enjoying my time as a single gal when I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to. And now that shorts season is over I am going with it. Wait, crap, I wore shorts to the dentist office this morning. Geez, do I really not care that much about what people think of me? Yep, I guess so. I have a date on Sunday. I am thinking I just might shave my legs, it being a special occasion and all. This guy had better be worth it; I have the feeling I am going to dull a few blades before the job is done. OK I might be exaggerating again. But lets not even talk about my nether regions, it hasn't been this long since before it was cool to wax/shave it.
hairy legs Pictures, Images and Photos

Stop it! Stop being so bloody annoyingly chipper! Do people really buy this crap??

I took my daughter to the dentist this morning, which was long over due. (But my procrastination is for a completely different blog.) We were greeted by an annoying "Goood Mooorniiiing!" by the receptionist. I had to resist the overwhelming urge to choke the crap out of her. I think I might have nightmares about her. She was that traumatizingly, annoyingly phony nice. (Oh, I made up a word.) I know you know the type. I just want to wait out in the parking lot until she gets off work and follow her home and observe her in her natural habitat. (God that makes me sound like a stalker.) I would be so giddy if she was a royal b*t#h. And then I would pop up from behind the bush outside her window and exclaim "Aha! I knew you weren't really that nice!" OK yeah, I really wouldn't want to do that. But, I sure would like to know how she really is. Nobody is really that friggin chipper!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Can I rent a man?

It was one of those weekends I wished I had a man. Not for sweet conventional reasons like companionship or making love ( I wanted to say sex, but that didn't sound very sweet) or a hot date. I don't know, that's all I got. Maybe I need a boyfriend to remember all the stuff they are good for. Anyway, I got a flat tire & my blinkers work only every so often. Alas, I had to take care of those things myself. So, needless to say, I used fix a flat. And well, sadly I still haven't remedied the whole blinker situation except to practice my innocent speech to the possible cop pulling me over for lack of turn signal usage in the hopes he/she wont give me a ticket.

Jesse James can come change my tire & fix my blinkers... pretty please :)
JJ Pictures, Images and Photos

Things I would stress out about if I were a guy.

Not sure why I even started thinking about this but here are a few reasons why I am glad I am a woman.

-Going bald. Although I do think bald guys are sexy. Well... not all of them. Some of them are pretty creepy looking. But, I know a lot of women will agree with me on this. So, I guess I might not stress about this... unless, as mentioned above, I looked creepy bald.

- My penis being too small or crooked or something like that. It even stresses me out when I date a guy. I seriously obsess about whether he has a nice penis or not. It could possibly be a deal breaker for me. I wish it was socially acceptable to ask a guy on the 1st date if I can see his penis. Because really, if it's small or strange looking in any way we can just forget the 2nd date and save some time. Although, I don't think I would tell him that was why I didn't want to date him any more. I am pretty sure that would not be good for his ego. So, then I would have to think of some other outlandish reason why. Which I would have to think of in advance because I tend to panic under pressure and I can only imagine the ridiculously outlandish reason i would come up with. But, I am sure it would much better then telling them the real reason.

-Having a children running around that I don't know about. I am pretty sure if I were a guy I would be a whore like the rest of them. I am so happy I can grow babies for this very reason. I know when I have a kid.

- As mentioned above I am pretty sure I would be a whore like the rest of the men so I think I would stress about getting laid. Men have to work to get some, woman just have to decide that they want some.

That's all I have right now... now here is a yummy bald guy Brian Urlacher for your viewing pleasure.BTW I have a thing for football and the players.

brian urlacher 1 Pictures, Images and Photos

I think I might be in love! Swoon... too bad he got injured & can't play this season. I am officially volunteering to nurse him back to health. I'm just saying... OK I'll stop now.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Couger? What?!? I am 2 years older then you!!.. but a ton more fabulous!

couger Pictures, Images and PhotosSo, I have been talking to this guy and he is 2 years younger then me and he mentions to me that he likes Cougars. Like I am supposed to be all flattered by that. No really, he seriously thought I would be. His exact words "I thought you would be happy I like older women." My response... "Dude, you are 2 years younger then me! If you were in your 20's that would be another story."

Although, sometimes I get the urge to be an all out Cougar with some young hot stud. At least for a while... until my age really catches up to me and it starts to get awkward. Then I would realize he hasn't really lived his life and would not make a suitable partner. Then I am back to square one. But hey, at least the sex would be good. Over and over again... and in one day even. Gotta love those young bucks.

I had a pic of a really cute winking couger... the actual animal... but Photobucket nerfed it, as usual. Not sure where else to get pics...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Run Like Hell!

running man Pictures, Images and PhotosSometimes we want to just run away from our problems. Hoping maybe they will just go away. But really, the problems have more endurance then we do. So eventually, we stop running. And you know what happens? The problem runs smack dab into us. So, maybe it is best to just stop, turn around and face the problem. Who the heck wants to be chased all the time? It's friggin' exhausting.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Love List

Here is a lovely list of all the fabulous things in life I love! Will help you get to know me a little better or at least know what I loooove.

And here we go, in no particular order...

1) Lotion- I am seriously addicted.
2) Crisp, cool sheets
3) Bodies of water: Lakes rivers & oceans. In that order.
4) Huge bathtubs
5) Peonies
6) Football & the men that play it
7) Stories
8) Breeze blowing through my hair
9) Boating
10) Romantic books/movies
11) The smell of roses
12) Laughing
13) Weddings
14) Traveling
15) Lipgloss
16) Long jeans
17) Heels- that fit me
18) Day dreaming
19) A clean house
20) Hiking
21) Long, hot showers
22) Blue eyed men
23) Tomatoes
24) Beauty products
25) Meeting new people
26) New love
27) Shoes with flowers on them
28) Going for walks
29) Snow
30) Sleeping nude
31) New Balance shoes
32) Freya Bras
33) Dogs & rats
34) Reading
35) Kissing
36) Pedicures
37) Writing
38) Swimming
39) Receiving flowers
40) Birthdays
41) Tall, broad shouldered men with short hair
42) Wii Fit
43) Snorkeling
44) Parks
45) Cherries
Now show me yours!

heart Pictures, Images and Photos

The End!.... really?

Have you ever ended a dating relationship just by ignoring them? No phone call, text or email... nothing. You don't really think too much of it because, well, you didn't really like them, right?Have you ever been on the receiving end of it? Does it leave you wondering "What happened?" "Did I do something wrong?" You analyze every detail and replay every interaction in your head. Sometimes we have to realize that not every relationship will work out and the other person does not always feel the same way we do. Sometimes it seems like a cruel joke. Would it be easier if you had some sort of closure? Maybe an explanation of sorts. Sometimes it would be nice to know if you did anything wrong. And if you did, maybe you could be better prepared for your next meeting with a potential mate. But, in the end if you just be yourself and they don't like you. Well, then at least you know. And isn't that better then them going along acting as if they like you. I just wish men had the balls to say "Hey, this isn't working for me" But then again, I don't have the courage to do it either...

Have you ever been dumped via text message, email or the infamous Sex and the City Post it note? I have been dumped via all of the above except the Post-it, which I hope never happens because I love Post-its and some jerk better not ruin them for me..

break up Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, October 9, 2009


My co-worker and I have been eating non-stop for the last couple of weeks. And I mean non-stop. I can't keep up on exercising to counter act all the extra calories consumed because I am too intersted in eating all the bloody time. If only the act of eating burned more calories. My appetite is ridiculously insatiable. I realized that maybe we are preparing for hibernation. Fattening ourselves up for the winter. I need to get this under control or I may need to really hibernate because I will be too big to fit out the door.

Give me more food!..... Please!