Monday, December 14, 2009

'Tis the Season to Not Be Single

As I have mentioned in previous posts I am a proud member of an online dating site. And by proud I mean "Where else am I going to meet men?" Well, I get a couple winks a day at most. Well, this weekend I got almost 50. What?? Seriously! I guess Christmas time is a good time to be on the prowl for a man because they sure are looking. I don't have the time or patience to deal with it all. Ugg!

Well, some of them are not even remotely feasible prospects. Almost laughable. Mean I know. but "Country Boy Looking for His Country Girl" Hahaha you have the wrong girl my friend. Oh and you are 5'7"? I have nothing against the vertically challenged, I just don't want to be made to feel bigger then I already do.

I got 2 winks from the same guy. I am not sure if he forgot he winked at me or if he really likes me that much. And let me tell why I am not interested in him. He is a muscle head. I can't even begin to understand that level of narcasicm.

And then there are the ones that don't care about anything about their possible match except body type. And of course it is Slim & slender or Athletic & toned. And then they wink at me. No thanks! I can't understand that level of shallowness. It is fine to know what you want; but if the only thing you know you want is a skinny chic. No thanks! Ugg!

On another note, most of the men I have met online that I am even remotely interested in just don't have the follow through to actually meet up. So, I have the attitude of: What Evs! lol

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's My Blog and I'll Whine if I want to.

Ugg! I am being utterly consumed by this dreadful evil cold. I have seriously had enough. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I sleep endlessly and take more drugs then crap I can't think of a good metaphor or is it a simile? I am too tired to check. My mind is taken over by these cold viruses I tell you. It is all I seem to be able to talk about. Time me thinks to ignore the cold. It has been enjoying all this attention I have been giving it. Time to ignore it so it will go away. I am quickly approaching 2 weeks with this unwelcome guest invading my body. I am going broke buying cold medicine. Although I did make an interesting observation. Sudafed cold and cough is far superior to Dayquil. Like, seriously! I feel 10 times better when I take the sudafed and I think I am in love with it. They are magical little orange pills. So, right now I feel good. And I think I am better. Hey, the weekend is here! Then the magical little orange pills wear off. I do wish that colds would squash my appetite like the flu does. So, I have been eating merrily with no exercising unless you count coughing as an exercise. A recipe for disaster if you ask me. I have been making an absurd amount of toast. hungry? I know have some toast. it is the limit of my culinary abilities when I am sick.

This cold is seriously wreaking havoc on my social life. But I am actually not sure if it really is just the cold. Bah! We will go with that. No annalyzing here. I am too tired.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Cell Phone Doesn't Want Me to Have a Social life

It has been a long, long time. But, here I am. Again.

I discovered today, from various people, that I may not have recieved all the texts that have been sent to me or the texts I have sent have not arrived at their specified recipiant. I don't know how long this chaos has been going on. But, it is wreacking havoc on my social life. Just when I thought I was getting blown off by numerous people I discover that they have indeed been sending me texts. My phone just wants me to be depressed and get 100 cats.

So, you know what I did? I taught that phone a lesson and took it down to the Verizon store and traded it for a bright new shiny one. And proceeded to send texts to various people I am sure think I am uber fabulous and would never blow me off. Their first question "Where have you been?" Every last one of them. How bizarre is that?? And then it gives me a tiny glimmer of hope that HE didn't actually blow me off. That he didn't actually get my texts or maybe I didn't get his. I know it is really wishful thinking. But maybe it is a sign... Am I really that stubborn to not contact him and find out? Or maybe I just don't want to know the truth. Cause I have the feeling it will hurt. I evidently prefer to fantisize about some romantic tale of our paths crossing again and realizing there was a misunderstanding. A girl can dream? And I do. A lot!

So, who knows what to do. For the time being I sit here and keep telling myself. "He would contact you" But then, what if years from now I find out that he thought I was blowing him off. It really is very Nocholas Sparks novalish. I am such a romantic.

So, here goes, I am admitting "I miss him!" but I am too chicken shit to tell ANYONE and especially to act on. How pathetic is that, ya know? So, I try to occupy myself with other men. But, you know, it just doesn't feel right? So, then I wonder... When will I really be over him? Pathetic me thinks!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I think I need to take notes.

I decided to do the online dating thing and really give it my all. Well, it is bloody daunting. I can't keep all of them straight. I called one guys dogs name by another guys dogs name. It was hilarious really. I think I played it off pretty well, even though I am pretty prone to panicking when I get in a bind like that. Thank goodness it was via yahoo chat. He couldn't see the look of panic on my face. I really think I need to take notes or start weeding them out. I seriously think I have one kick ass profile or something. Or my competition is weak. Either way I get a lot of emails saying how amazing I seem. I think I am pretty freaking amazing but these dudes haven't even met me. Gives me a lot to live up to. Yikes! Don't know if I can handle that sort of pressure lol. Maybe I need to put up mediocre pictures instead of my best ones....

With one guy we have just been emailing back and forth with no real questions asked of each other. We mostly just talk about football like we are buddys. He finally said today "I feel like we are pen pals." which made me laugh hysterically. Then he suggested maybe we should move to texting. About bloody time dude! Did I mention I am a firm believer in letting men dictate the pace of things and make the first moves.

Another note on online dating. I am 33 years old. Not too terribly old. or at least that is what i keep telling myself. I get all sorts of winks & messages from men in their 20's. And I mean early 20's. Seriously, I don't think I could handle that. I am not self conscious but I am pretty sure none of them have seen a woman with stretchmarks. Or as I like to call them racing stripes!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Is he trying to turn me into a Supermodel?

I dated a guy not too long ago I like to call Costco. I was convinced he was trying to turn me into a Supermodel. One night he made 3 types of vegetable. I love vegetable. Really, I do! But, I need some bloody carbohydrates! Pasta, potatos, rice, anything! I wonder if he noticed the forlorn look I gave my carb free plate.

On another date he took me to a Vietnamese restaurant. It was yummy, don't get me wrong. But I want a big ol' steak and a baked potato sometimes. Well, honestly quite frequently...

So, after the vegetable dinner I convinced him to go to Dairy Queen. I love ice cream! But, my real motivator was to see what he would actually order. As for me I ordered a mouth watering Peanut Buster Parfait with both caramel & hot fudge. Who can choose between the 2? Not this girl!

What does Costco order? A slushy. Really? No ice cream?? I do love slushies; but I order them as an accompaniment to my ice cream.

Did I mention he has a really nice ass? Hmm maybe it goes hand in hand with not eating ice cream. But, I am not willing to give up ice cream to find out. Me & my flabby butt are going to DQ!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Guess What Day It Is?!?

It is contact ME day! Seriously, I accomplished nothing except multi-texting & multi-facebook chatting. It was daunting. I can't believe I pulled it all off without sending an embarrassing mistext.

Mr. TMI contacted me today. Well, I contacted him first on Sunday where I ran into some 49ers fans and then a guy by the same name as him. Figured it was some sort of sign. So, we actually talked on the phone today and it was a great conversation, as it always is. He asked me to do something on Friday night. But, I have to work and then he flys out to Californai for the week. Man this guy travels a lot.

This is turning into a lame blog. I am at a loss for things to blog about. I have been busy writing away for the National Novel Writing Challange so I guess my mind has downloaded enough info for the day. (btw: join me in the quest to write a novel in a month!)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dear Karma, I am sorry I stood him up....

I had a sort of date arranged for Sunday night at 9pm. Which is kinda late for a date if you ask me. I have met this guy once. And it was literally like 2 months ago. He calls sporadically (OK every week. He is persistent, I will give him that.) And usually to find out if I am "out." Which can only make me think that he is just looking for someone to have a booty call with, I am so not looking for that.

I know nothing about him. I only know he is blond, blue eyed and not that tall, but cute all the same. I don't even know how old he is.

So, he texted me Saturday night to find out if I was once again "out" After I assured him I was happily at home he asked me if I wanted to do something Sunday night.... at 9pm. And because I have such a hard time turning people down I agreed to it. But all day Sunday all I could think about was that he just wanted to get laid and I just didn't want to put myself in that situation and have to deal with that. Ugg!

So what did I do? I didn't answer when he called 3 times on Sunday.

And another reason I was so apprehensive to go out with him is because I met him at a bar; Which is not a suitable place to meet a respectable mate.

So Karma, if you could please spare me. I was just stood up by a guy I really, really liked almost 2 months ago. I do believe we are now even! :)

I got to thinking about something else... am I just as picky as the men I complain about?? I like to think I know what I want and I know what I don't want. That is one advantaged to being a divorcee.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

This guy wont keep a girl waiting by the phone.

So, you know how a girl might obsess over looking at her cell phone every 2 seconds to see if a certain guy she has a crush on called or texted? (am I too old to have crushes? Ah screw it, I will have them anyway!) I know I shouldn't do it, but I am SO guilty of it. It is like a disease, like rabies. (Rabies doesn't get mentioned much. I figured I would throw it in there.) Anywho....

Well, I met this guy that calls and texts a lot!

He has called more in the last 3 days then in the 3 months of dating with my last love interest.

And wouldn't you know, he is ridiculously cute! Tall, blond, blue-eyed & broad shouldered. Just the way I like 'em!

So, you would think I would be "over the moon" that he calls all the time. GUESS WHAT? I'm not. You know why? No, it is not because I can never be friggin happy...

It is because it is TOO MUCH. And not only that, he talks about himself constantly. Not in a conceided sort of way, he just tells his stories. I think he just really likes to tell his stories. I couldn't get a word in edge wise and I don't think he cared in the least. Most of his stories are pretty depressing. I know more about him after 3 days of talking then I do about some of my closest friends.

So, here is the thing that really killed it for me. He does NOT fly. Ever! And yes smarty pants I mean in an airplane. My standards are not that high that I am looking for a Super Hero for a boyfriend.

Anyway, he has never been on an airplane and never will go on one. Seriously?!? He then says "There is no place interesting that you can't drive to." What?!? After I mention all the places I have been to and want to go to that require flying such as Hawaii, Europe & Asia, he says "You were in the Army, so you are not scared of anything." So, the question that pops into my mind is What else is he afraid of??

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

You're doing what?!? at work?!?

So, I texted Mr. TMI yesterday while he was at work to see how he was doing. He said "Guess what I'm doing." My response of course is "Working" because he works a lot! I was a bit taken aback with his response "I am working but I am watching porn too." So, the automatic question I ask is "At work??" His response "Yep. I have my personal computer. Don't be jealous." What?!? why in the world would I be jealous?? And why the heck would you tell me that is what you are doing? Buddy, that may be a sign you work too much. I'm just saying. Multi-tasking is great and all but I think he took it a little too far. So, my response to him "Umm I assure you I am not. Work is one place I don't ever want to watch porn. You're so silly." His response. "Um OK then. Well with that comment I think I am going to have to say have a wonderful evening!" What?!? I didn't even say what I wanted to say! And what he deserved to hear. I totally held back! and now I haven't heard from him since. Which is hysterical really. Guess I am getting the big blow-off by "weird guy that watches porn & jerks-off at work." Sure saves me a lot of trouble.... Thanks!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Is that a 5 O'clock Shadow... on your arm?

I am quite perplexed when I meet a guy that shaves his body hair. I can understand the swimmers & body builders (although, I honestly really don't understand that level of narcissism.) I am fine with just trimming the nether regions; I quite appreciate it really. But shaving it bald? No thanks! And then we will go to chest hair. I like chest hair. Wait, I love chest hair! You are a man for crying out loud. You're supposed to have chest hair! It's sexy! (Although I will say I don't like a lot of chest hair. Sweater vest? No thanks!) And don't even get me started on arm hair. I met a really, really cute guy at a bar (no place to meet a prospective boyfriend/future husband. If you do, it's a fluke) I touched his arm, as I always end up doing when I am talking to a guy I am interested in, and I felt stubble! Thinking back, I hope I didn't pull my hand back in too much of a repulsed manner, nor have a repulsed look on my face. Sooo, we kept on talking, but I could not focus on what he was saying because I just kept thinking about what else he shaved. I thought shaving my legs was a lot of work; I certainly would not want the added trouble of having to shave chest & arms and what ever else he shaved. I wanted to see him naked just because I was so curious as to what else he decided needed to be baby bottom smooth or stubbly really, depending on the growth rate, which I am going to assume is much faster then a woman's. (I will add I am completely OK with a man shaving his back, waxing would be much better though. So, if you have happen to be a guy, with a hairy back, there's a tip for ya!) Shaving seems like it has to be done pretty frequently and it makes me wonder who the heck shaves his back for him?! I sure as heck am not going to be the one to step in and do it.... blah! Nice talking to ya, dude!

Hairy Couple at Nascar Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, October 16, 2009

Why would you tell me that?

OK I been having a ridiculously long texting "relationship" with a guy I have never actually met. I do not condone letting it go this long, but he was out of town for a week and a half. You start to get all these unrealistic & romanticised ideas of how they are and then they turn out to be totally different. Anyway, he works A LOT, so we text A LOT. Seriously the man sleep like 3 hours a night and spends the rest of his time at work. Oh God, he sounds dreadful lol. Anyway, I have gotten way off topic here. OK back on track. Our texts have turned toward sexual topics. But NOT in as we have been sending dirty texts to each other. That would be waaaay too weird for me. So, he is a huge Dodgers fan and they were playing tonight. Big NL playoff game. Damn there is a huge back story just to get this little story out. Anyway, the Phillie's scored a 3 run homer and he said "Damn I am going to need a blow job and a lot of alcohol after that hit. I need to make some phone calls." So I said "You going to call Tonya Harding so she can break a few Phillie's knee caps?" He said "I was talking about the blow job" & My response "What? do you have a hooker on speed dial? But, Tonya might be able to help you with that too" He then said and I quote... crap lemmie grab my cell... "I think everyone has friends with benefits." WHAT?? Why on earth would you tell me that??? Someone that you potentially want to date. So, my thought is if we actually started dating when would he be "done" with his "friend with benefits?" Seriously! And it also makes me think he is a cheater. I seriously can not do that again. God I hate men in their 30's. I am completely convinced that all the good ones are already taken. Aww screw that, there are no real good men. OK I am in a man bashing mood. Cheers! Here's to men being total douche bags! .... Can't wait for my date with him on Sunday. I really have to meet this guy.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Leg Hair Moose

My leg hair is seriously getting unruly. I may style it into dreadlocks or french braid it. And I am obsessed with petting myself. It feels cool. What do you want? OK I am sure you are wondering why I have such long leg hair. Well, it's actually not that long. I am just enjoying my time as a single gal when I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to. And now that shorts season is over I am going with it. Wait, crap, I wore shorts to the dentist office this morning. Geez, do I really not care that much about what people think of me? Yep, I guess so. I have a date on Sunday. I am thinking I just might shave my legs, it being a special occasion and all. This guy had better be worth it; I have the feeling I am going to dull a few blades before the job is done. OK I might be exaggerating again. But lets not even talk about my nether regions, it hasn't been this long since before it was cool to wax/shave it.
hairy legs Pictures, Images and Photos

Stop it! Stop being so bloody annoyingly chipper! Do people really buy this crap??

I took my daughter to the dentist this morning, which was long over due. (But my procrastination is for a completely different blog.) We were greeted by an annoying "Goood Mooorniiiing!" by the receptionist. I had to resist the overwhelming urge to choke the crap out of her. I think I might have nightmares about her. She was that traumatizingly, annoyingly phony nice. (Oh, I made up a word.) I know you know the type. I just want to wait out in the parking lot until she gets off work and follow her home and observe her in her natural habitat. (God that makes me sound like a stalker.) I would be so giddy if she was a royal b*t#h. And then I would pop up from behind the bush outside her window and exclaim "Aha! I knew you weren't really that nice!" OK yeah, I really wouldn't want to do that. But, I sure would like to know how she really is. Nobody is really that friggin chipper!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Can I rent a man?

It was one of those weekends I wished I had a man. Not for sweet conventional reasons like companionship or making love ( I wanted to say sex, but that didn't sound very sweet) or a hot date. I don't know, that's all I got. Maybe I need a boyfriend to remember all the stuff they are good for. Anyway, I got a flat tire & my blinkers work only every so often. Alas, I had to take care of those things myself. So, needless to say, I used fix a flat. And well, sadly I still haven't remedied the whole blinker situation except to practice my innocent speech to the possible cop pulling me over for lack of turn signal usage in the hopes he/she wont give me a ticket.

Jesse James can come change my tire & fix my blinkers... pretty please :)
JJ Pictures, Images and Photos

Things I would stress out about if I were a guy.

Not sure why I even started thinking about this but here are a few reasons why I am glad I am a woman.

-Going bald. Although I do think bald guys are sexy. Well... not all of them. Some of them are pretty creepy looking. But, I know a lot of women will agree with me on this. So, I guess I might not stress about this... unless, as mentioned above, I looked creepy bald.

- My penis being too small or crooked or something like that. It even stresses me out when I date a guy. I seriously obsess about whether he has a nice penis or not. It could possibly be a deal breaker for me. I wish it was socially acceptable to ask a guy on the 1st date if I can see his penis. Because really, if it's small or strange looking in any way we can just forget the 2nd date and save some time. Although, I don't think I would tell him that was why I didn't want to date him any more. I am pretty sure that would not be good for his ego. So, then I would have to think of some other outlandish reason why. Which I would have to think of in advance because I tend to panic under pressure and I can only imagine the ridiculously outlandish reason i would come up with. But, I am sure it would much better then telling them the real reason.

-Having a children running around that I don't know about. I am pretty sure if I were a guy I would be a whore like the rest of them. I am so happy I can grow babies for this very reason. I know when I have a kid.

- As mentioned above I am pretty sure I would be a whore like the rest of the men so I think I would stress about getting laid. Men have to work to get some, woman just have to decide that they want some.

That's all I have right now... now here is a yummy bald guy Brian Urlacher for your viewing pleasure.BTW I have a thing for football and the players.

brian urlacher 1 Pictures, Images and Photos

I think I might be in love! Swoon... too bad he got injured & can't play this season. I am officially volunteering to nurse him back to health. I'm just saying... OK I'll stop now.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Couger? What?!? I am 2 years older then you!!.. but a ton more fabulous!

couger Pictures, Images and PhotosSo, I have been talking to this guy and he is 2 years younger then me and he mentions to me that he likes Cougars. Like I am supposed to be all flattered by that. No really, he seriously thought I would be. His exact words "I thought you would be happy I like older women." My response... "Dude, you are 2 years younger then me! If you were in your 20's that would be another story."

Although, sometimes I get the urge to be an all out Cougar with some young hot stud. At least for a while... until my age really catches up to me and it starts to get awkward. Then I would realize he hasn't really lived his life and would not make a suitable partner. Then I am back to square one. But hey, at least the sex would be good. Over and over again... and in one day even. Gotta love those young bucks.

I had a pic of a really cute winking couger... the actual animal... but Photobucket nerfed it, as usual. Not sure where else to get pics...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Run Like Hell!

running man Pictures, Images and PhotosSometimes we want to just run away from our problems. Hoping maybe they will just go away. But really, the problems have more endurance then we do. So eventually, we stop running. And you know what happens? The problem runs smack dab into us. So, maybe it is best to just stop, turn around and face the problem. Who the heck wants to be chased all the time? It's friggin' exhausting.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Love List

Here is a lovely list of all the fabulous things in life I love! Will help you get to know me a little better or at least know what I loooove.

And here we go, in no particular order...

1) Lotion- I am seriously addicted.
2) Crisp, cool sheets
3) Bodies of water: Lakes rivers & oceans. In that order.
4) Huge bathtubs
5) Peonies
6) Football & the men that play it
7) Stories
8) Breeze blowing through my hair
9) Boating
10) Romantic books/movies
11) The smell of roses
12) Laughing
13) Weddings
14) Traveling
15) Lipgloss
16) Long jeans
17) Heels- that fit me
18) Day dreaming
19) A clean house
20) Hiking
21) Long, hot showers
22) Blue eyed men
23) Tomatoes
24) Beauty products
25) Meeting new people
26) New love
27) Shoes with flowers on them
28) Going for walks
29) Snow
30) Sleeping nude
31) New Balance shoes
32) Freya Bras
33) Dogs & rats
34) Reading
35) Kissing
36) Pedicures
37) Writing
38) Swimming
39) Receiving flowers
40) Birthdays
41) Tall, broad shouldered men with short hair
42) Wii Fit
43) Snorkeling
44) Parks
45) Cherries
Now show me yours!

heart Pictures, Images and Photos

The End!.... really?

Have you ever ended a dating relationship just by ignoring them? No phone call, text or email... nothing. You don't really think too much of it because, well, you didn't really like them, right?Have you ever been on the receiving end of it? Does it leave you wondering "What happened?" "Did I do something wrong?" You analyze every detail and replay every interaction in your head. Sometimes we have to realize that not every relationship will work out and the other person does not always feel the same way we do. Sometimes it seems like a cruel joke. Would it be easier if you had some sort of closure? Maybe an explanation of sorts. Sometimes it would be nice to know if you did anything wrong. And if you did, maybe you could be better prepared for your next meeting with a potential mate. But, in the end if you just be yourself and they don't like you. Well, then at least you know. And isn't that better then them going along acting as if they like you. I just wish men had the balls to say "Hey, this isn't working for me" But then again, I don't have the courage to do it either...

Have you ever been dumped via text message, email or the infamous Sex and the City Post it note? I have been dumped via all of the above except the Post-it, which I hope never happens because I love Post-its and some jerk better not ruin them for me..

break up Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, October 9, 2009


My co-worker and I have been eating non-stop for the last couple of weeks. And I mean non-stop. I can't keep up on exercising to counter act all the extra calories consumed because I am too intersted in eating all the bloody time. If only the act of eating burned more calories. My appetite is ridiculously insatiable. I realized that maybe we are preparing for hibernation. Fattening ourselves up for the winter. I need to get this under control or I may need to really hibernate because I will be too big to fit out the door.

Give me more food!..... Please!